"Bruised...Cause every inch you see in me is bruised."
- Jack's Mannequin
This week was so tough. It is a week ago when we had our Financial Accounting Departmental Exam. Im disappointed about what happened on that exam. Six days have passed but still i can't recover from what happened on that day. I still . It is because that exam was very important to Accountancy students. I really have to pass that exam, its a matter of "life and death" situation on me at that said subject. In able to continue my accountancy course in Adamson, i have to attain a 85++ grade. I really need a miracle here. If I lost this battle, there's no goin back. Its the end. Its done. Its finished. Its over. No more Adamson. Say goodbye to your good friends. Eat your fucking pride. Take every single luxury. Let go of your happy thought. No more flying, Peter pan.
When i go home late hours at night, when i have my silence, when every one is asleep. And no one is around. I can't avoid myself to reminisce what happened on that Exam. I still dreamed of it. Sometimes, i wish i was much more intelligent. I really wanted to scream loud in that room. After that, i scan my paper. Then i felt sad. I pity myself on that day. Felt frustrations and disappointment. That exam crushed me to the ground, and it never gave me a chance to stand and fight back.
"In the Verge of Self Destruct"
- The Wall, Morayta Manila
For the past couple of hours, ive been gathering all my random thoughts stuck to my worthless brain. I suddenly notice that im staring blankly at a blue colored screen of idiot box and holding a disc. I smiled. I forgot that im was going to watch Al Pacino's Classic "The God Father".
In my entire life, it was the first time to experience this kind of "weirdness". I was lost.
lost?
where?
how?
Actually, i really don't know. I can't explain what im trying to say here but ill try to. Im having this thought quite some time. Let me make this easier.
Its like, you are dying to buy this chucks for a long time. You never cared if this chucks were fake or orig. But thats not the point, when you bought this pair of shoes. You felt happiness, youre very excited to wear it everyday. But for a short time, youve realized that youre not happy with it. Then some thought comes to mind, you only bought that shoe because you need a pair of shoe. Basic need. Its like eating, you eat because you need to survive.
let me make it a short story.
The man from suburbs, working eight to ten hours a day. A graduate of a never heard course from a not so well known school. Making quite good money in his job. He's kinda independent and quite stable. But then, there was a time when he realized that he deserves more. He go looking for a greener pasture. About a month, the man from suburbs have found "greener pastures". He was considering a quite good opportunity. It will take him four to five years before he'll get to the gold mine. In others words, its a gamble. He thinks that he's gonna make it. He believes on it. Because the man from suburbs has no where to go, he gambled himself to it. Time has passed digging and shoveling the infinite soil of middle earth, he was so tired and fed up. He takes some rest. He woke up with his dirty clothes and unnourished body. He made himself a cup of coffee and stared at his work. It was more like a tunnel. then he stared at the back and he saw the light coming from the outside, he turns again his head and lay his eyes on his precious work. He then realized that is it worth it that he gave up every thing he had before and pursue a different one.
"Right or wrong are not what seperates us and our enemies. It's our different standpoint, our perspectives that seperate us. There is no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views."
- Matt Damon, The Departed
"Wag mong sirain ang buhay mo dahil sa katamaran, mas magandang pakinggan na nasira ang buhay mo dahil sa Droga kesa sa katamaran"
-Earl Nidea, Biological Science
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